Prison Sobriety?

I had a brief conversation with Jerry the other day. I recently wrote about the fact that Jerry was able to remain clean and sober while in jail and prison. It didn’t faze me at first but the more I thought about it, the more questions I had. My theory was, Jerry’s ability to stay sober inside was just another one of his innate survival characteristics that would surface from time to time. There will be more later on Jerry’s decent into the hell of heroin. I know of Jerry’s efforts to avoid the withdraw sickness of heroin on the streets. He had his routine down. He was very resourceful at making his heroin last and avoiding the “sickness” of withdraw. However, when Jerry came home (to the institution) he knew that it was better to be clean. It was the process of getting clean that was the problem though. It was the dreaded transition phase. The phase that involved Jerry lying in a bed of sweat for up to 3 weeks as he moved through what probably felt like Malaria or the plague. “And don’t forget the vomiting and diarrhea”, he adds. Jerry has kicked heroin literally hundreds of times and he always did it cold turkey. It was hell and the body-aches that accompanied this withdraw were unbearable at times. But when it was over it was worth it—inside.  Jerry says during a withdraw period, he did not sleep. He says he may have been able to put a catnap together here and there. But for about 3 weeks he laid on his cot praying for sleep. When it came near the end of the period, Jerry says he would be haunted by the “dreams”. Jerry says the dreams he had during a withdraw period were very intense and very real. All the dreams were about getting more heroin and consuming it any way possible. He would dream of being right there in his cell and shooting up. He would dream of different was he could get it and who he could get it from.  Jerry describes the dreams as desperate and stressful. “It didn’t make for restful rehabilitative sleep” he adds. The only medicine they ever gave Jerry was Clonidine. Clonidine is blood pressure medication. When withdrawing from heroin, your heart beats fast and furious. Clonidine was CDC’s way of keeping Jerry alive. They didn’t want him having a heart attack during this process. Jerry was quick to point out that Clonidine offered no relief from the above symptoms.

When asked what made him take the “clean” route while incarcerated, Jerry had a few motives. It’s not like it wasn’t available—it was. “It was super expensive and quality was very poor,” he said. Jerry said a lot of inmates regularly used heroin. There was a large market to be filled for sure. Jerry’s maxim was “trust no one” and “rely on thy self”.  He explained that there were many violent acts carried out on individuals that did not pay for their drugs while incarcerated. The narcotic life inside was very expensive, messy and stressful: it could easily get you killed. Jerry said he’s seen it all. “Its super pathetic to see a strung out inmate receive a home made weapon stabbing (or worse) for not paying what he owes”.  Jerry somehow knew that he wouldn’t last long if he tried to maintain his habit while incarcerated. While doing a stint at Folsom prison in northern California, Jerry witnessed 5 different “tier tossings” as a result of unpaid debt. A “tier tossing” was when someone was thrown to his death from the 5^th tier in a housing unit. “Why the hell did they not block the tier so that could not happen?” I asked Jerry. He said he was there in 1989 and it was not blocked. He had heard it wasn’t long after that that CDCR did “cage in” the top tier so the murders (as well as suicides) would stop. They didn’t stop of course; you just couldn’t throw yourself or anyone else off the top tiers any more. Usually a smaller, unpaid debt got you stabbed, according to Jerry. The problem was that the ones doing the stabbing were not to concerned about how to miss major arteries, lungs or even the heart. So, a simple shank in the shower often turned into an execution. If someone got stabbed in the right artery, he would bleed out if it went unnoticed. Jerry told me of an area on the yard at Folsom called “blood alley”. This area was a rather large blind spot to the guards and at the time, there were no cameras pointed there either. So needles to say, a lot of deadly business was carried out there. Folsom was an old prison. The construction was mainly designed to keep people in. They did not have the inmate’s safety in mind.  So every time, yes every time. Jerry cleaned up. After the withdraw sickness/hell, he exercised, worked, read and learned skills.  Comparatively speaking, Jerry was in much better shape mentally and physically when incarcerated. He had flipped the script on his life. Life inside was home. Sure he would go on vacation every once in a while to see what it was like on the outside. He would have his fun but it would eventually come time to return home. Jerry describes prison as the lessor of two evils. The streets could be much harder especially if you’re sick or injured. “Prison was no prize destination” he adds. “It was a break and a place where I could get my head and body cleared”. “There was a trade off of course. There was more violence, fighting, fear and the usual politics”.  Jerry describes prison as “not necessarily better, just different”. This was Jerry’s life.  If he wasn’t anxious to get out, he was anxious to get in. One of the main factors that made prison a desirable break was Jerry’s ability to clean up. He couldn’t do this with any success on the outside. He has done many many rehabilitation programs but could never put any significant clean time together. Jerry told me of one time when he was in the Orange County system going to court for a charge he does not remember. He was into his second week of a pretty serious heroin withdraw. He was in the jail cage in the courtroom when the judge told him he was going to be released with an order to report to the Probation Department with in 24 hours. Jerry told me his eyes bugged out because he knew he would never make it there. He was 2 weeks into a withdraw and he did not want it to go to waste. In a desperation attempt, Jerry said he motioned for his public defender to approach the cage. He then proceeded to beg him to ask the Judge to keep him in for another 2 weeks. He did and the Judge understood and went along with it. Jerry was brought back to court 2 weeks later feeling a lot better and ready to give the outside a clean chance. He thinks he entered a drug rehabilitation program but he’s not sure. It didn’t matter anyway. Jerry didn’t stay clean out side for very long. It was in 2008 that Jerry started his success story with getting clean from heroin for good. More on that later.